Yes having a child with special needs has taught me a lot. Yes I appreciate the small things, blah blah blah
We have all said it. We have all felt it. I’m sure we have all thought the blah blah blah too.
Having a child with special needs is hard, not always, but at times the challenges are intense. I experienced that intensity today. It was “one of those days”.
My son, Billy has severe Autism. He doesn’t like crowds, noise or unfamiliar environments. He likes his own home, preferably with just the three of us, myself, my daughter and him. He likes to have control of all the technology, computers, foxtel and any device that starts with i.
The life he likes can be very lonely for my daughter and I. It can also be trying when we need to go to the supermarket or to drop my daughter off at dancing or a friend’s house and the list goes on. So on a day like this day, I have dealt with many meltdowns, just because we are living.
My frustration levels are high, my patience is wearing thin and to be totally honest…. I don’t really feel like putting on my happy, calm face anymore.
I let Billy watch T.V and play on his iPad, the way he wants to (YouTube), all afternoon. I will put him to bed tonight and sigh, as I say to myself, “finally it’s over for tonight”!
Then, once I sit down after I’ve made lunches, ironed uniforms, checked school notes, I beat myself up and feel completely guilty for everything negative I felt!
How bad of me to let him sit in front of the T.V, how bad of me to let him watch YouTube for 2 hours, and how bad of me to want bedtime to hurry up so I don’t have to deal with autism again tonight.
STOP! Stop feeling guilty!
I remember, I am a human being. I have needs, wants and interests. All of which hardly ever get met.
It pays to remind yourself that you are human. You spend your time caring for others and providing support to another person every day. You deserve nourishment and care. You also deserve to have your needs, your wants and your desires all met. You are not super carer and you are not selfish for feeling like you’ve had enough some days. YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN.
Tomorrow you will wake up and be calm, stable and ready to do it all over again. Some days will be easier than others. That’s ok and you are doing the very best you can for the child who you love with your whole heart.
Forgive yourself often, it’s the key to survival.
STOP THE GUILT!
Do you also have “beat yourself up” moments? Let us know by leaving a comment.