We have all seen the lovely quotes on social media, “Don’t judge anyone else for everyone is fighting their own battles”, you’ve seen them right?
I have actually posted one of these quotes and have totally believed in it. I have been judged on the way I have dealt with situations, the way I have coped with what life has thrown at me or even the decisions I have made relating to Billy. None of these things affected anyone other than myself and Billy (mostly) however I was still judged which left me with a huge sense of self-doubt and guilt. Not very nice.
I will admit I have also judged in the past. When I was in the first couple of years of caring for Billy, I overheard a conversation two special needs parents were having. They were talking about their own children and the little amount of therapy based activities they did at home. One mother said “I let my child watch TV whenever he wants, as his home is where he should feel happiest.” I immediately judged. It may have been, because it was the beginning of my journey and there was lots of therapy to teach Billy, new skills, I was right amongst it.
It wasn’t until a year or so later, I thought of those mothers again. I had been beating my head against a brick wall trying to get Billy to do craft activities or pretend play when all Billy wanted to do was sort the pegs in to colour coded groups. I realised Billy was an individual, he would learn his way not the way I wanted him to. We all learn easier if we are doing something we love.
A few days ago I witnessed another special needs judgement. I was reading a post on social media. It was on a “support group” for parents who have children with Autism. It made me sad as it was from a mother in the U.S who had just made the decision to have her child put into care. She signed it “devil women” and throughout the post expressed her guilt and almost begged for reassurance she had made the right decision. Her child was very violent and was reaching puberty which was also proving to be a problem as she had three other children who were girls. The care was not permanent rather a three-month trial and she even posted a letter she received from her child in which he told her how much he loved her and how she was a great mum. All the comments the post received were positive and encouraging, except for one.
One is all that is needed for a person who is already heartbroken and struggling with how guilty they feel. One is all that is needed for a person who is almost begging for someone to tell them it is going to be ok, to just give up. One is all that is needed to affect your mental health which could impact negatively on your life.
I have made a conscious effort not to judge others. I’m sure I have and will again, I think it’s human nature, although I will make a bigger effort to always keep my opinions to myself when I don’t agree. If I am asked for an opinion, I will always make an effort to remember that we are all different, we have different challenges, we have different families, and we all have different levels at which we can cope.
I will continue to post quotes on judging others, not because I never judge but to remind all of us that a little bit of thought and compassion is always needed before we use our mouths to give our opinions.
Have you been judged before or have you judged others and later found yourself in the same position? Leave a comment and give your insights below.