My kiddies spent the night at their dad’s place. Isn’t it funny how you long for a break, then when you get one, you feel completely lost and unable to stop wondering about what they are doing. I decided last night to catch up with friends for a couple of hours. It was so good. I felt happy and dare I say it, I felt free. Not completely free but free from responsibility, special needs and all the chaos of just having kids to look after. I didn’t discuss special needs, kids or the chaos with any of my friends, we just talked about us. It felt great!
After I got home, I thought I would take the opportunity to tidy up, watch some T.V and have an early night. As I was cleaning, I realised I was thinking about all my responsibility and everything that needed to be done. So I stopped and put on some music and danced alone in my living room with the biggest smile on my face. If you are thinking “hmm she may be a little coo coo”, you are right. I may just be, but in our home that behaviour is tame.
So eventually I made my way to bed, and fell asleep. I woke up at 2pm today! Yep 2pm. That is something I haven’t done since before kids, and when I had a big night out as an excuse. When I woke up the first thing I did was mentally beat myself up. “what about the rest of the cleaning”? Then I stopped myself and thought “what about me”?
Yesterday was one of those days. Billy absolutely drove me insane. From the moment he woke up he whined. I made so many attempts to find out what he needed, but it just so happened he was also completely in his own world and I couldn’t reach him. Billy is non verbal, but he does make different sounds. Some are beautiful to the ears and some, like the one he constantly did yesterday, are extremely annoying. I couldn’t do anything to fix it or help him, so I endured hours and hours of a whining howling sound. I became so frustrated that at one point I walked over to him and grabbed his arm, with full intention of pinching him. Yep I wanted to pinch him. Instead as I loosely held his arm, I gritted my teeth and tensed up, and ended up hurting myself, like the big mean mummy I am.
I didn’t stop, he kept going, apparently until he got to his dad’s place. Why do things like that always happen. The kids can be naughty all day but the minute they are with others they are like angels.
Anyway I remembered my day yesterday, when I woke up at 2pm and realised I should be very thankful to myself for allowing me to catch up on some sleep, feel refreshed and excited to see the kiddies in a couple of hours. After all if I didn’t feel so good, I may just have no teeth left by tomorrow!
Parenting let alone special needs parenting can be hard. To be your best for your kiddies, it is important to look after yourself. The occasional sleep in til 2pm, or going for a walk, spending an hour away from the home or even just having a friend visit, are things you can do to let go of the bad days, frustration or worry and get back to feeling fresh and being the best you can for you are your family.
Have you ever felt guilty about doing something just for you? If so, share your story with me in the comments section below.
Billyboy 