How To Overcome Carer Burn-Out When It Equals Sh#%

We all have our days. Those days when you’ve dealt with a few meltdowns, struggled to have your child follow a simple direction, been bitten, had your hair pulled and cleaned several accidents. I had one two days ago. I’m thinking to myself, one more thing I’m going to lose it, then Billy comes over to me and hands me a long solid log! Umm yep exactly, a solid number two is being handed to me with a smile. Of course I will turn into a raving lunatic, I deserve to go off the deep end, RIGHT?

Well I say no. No to going of the deep end….umm too often anyway. Why, because when I go off the deep end, I am in the red zone on the stress indicator. That is not good for me, my family or my goals.

So because I am important, to me anyway, getting the most of out my day is what I need to maintain my oomph.  Here are three of the many tools in my tool bank that help me feel happy.

1. Be Silly – I’m a silly Mumma. If you are wondering what that means, it is simply, me acting like the Mum in the Vita Wheat adverts (the mum jumps in a muddy puddle while the child stands there watching…remember?) My home is chaotic most days, so to fit in I will find the time to be a child and play silly games with the kiddies. The games are fairly simple so Billy can join in, but 10 minutes of hide and seek can give you quality time with the kids, laughter and maybe even complete joy if your child does something unexpected in the right direction.
2. Keep a memory book – Really a memory book is nothing more than a photo/scrap-book/journal of moments. We have our phones pretty much attached to our ears these days, so keep remembering to take snap-shots of moments. Whether good, bad or boring, you will look back at the memory book and feel happy and grateful for your beautiful family.
3. Go to a support group or online forum – They say a problem shared is a problem halved, but I say, listen to what others are dealing with and I guarantee you will take the other half of your problem back. We all get stuck in our own bubble and feel as though we have the most difficult life at times. That’s ok, just don’t get stuck there because your problems are only as big as your thoughts make them. There are many people dealing with worse and some of them still have massive smiles.

Try these tips out as I’m sure you will feel grateful and see how far your child has come. I have felt proud looking back at the snaps of where we once were. Oh and if you get the chance, take a picture of your child holding a solid log, at least you can show your other half as proof it happened!

 

I would love to hear how you get the most happiness out of your day, please leave any tips by leaving a comment below!

 

 

 

 

Special Needs Parenting Can Be A Lonely Life

There is nothing like a special occasion such as Easter to remind you how lonely special needs parenting can be.

Easter this year was no different to other special occasions. My extended family gathered together at one chosen family member’s home, and we spent the day having lunch and enjoying each other’s company. That’s what these occasions are all about, family. What about when you have a special needs child? What about when this child is uncomfortable with crowds and noise and retreats to a room or wants to go home to get back to the safe zone?

This is how I spend these occasions. Every single one of them. I’m not mad, I don’t feel sorry for myself and I am not concerned with what I am missing out on. However, I didn’t always feel that way and I still don’t always feel that way.

Once upon a time, I did feel sorry for me.  I felt angry because I was the one that always had to miss out. I felt lonely because I knew it was impossible for my family to understand how I felt in that room. I wondered why I was there. I wondered if anyone was asking about me. I wondered if anyone felt interested in talking to me. I felt totally ripped off and totally alone.

Then as Billy started to get older, I realised that I hadn’t been ripped off at all. I had experienced all those things and still do. Mostly I realised it was Billy who should have the self-pity. It was Billy that should have held the anger. Billy has never had a conversation with another child. He has never played a ball game with another child. He has never had another child as a friend that looks for him to come and play. Yet Billy was happy to just be there with me.

Billy and I sat in a room together over Easter, and his constant smile and laughter reminded me that I am not alone on these days. I have my Billyboy. He makes me smile, laugh, and mostly he shows me I am loved and completely needed. He also helps me to see the beauty in the small things and how at the end of your life, these are the times that will be cherished. If I am included in these moments with Billy, what more could I ask for?

How do you cope with these occasions? Let me know by leaving a comment.

4 Little known tips about taking your special needs child to a play centre

What’s noisy, confronting and sometimes… umm… not fun at all?

The dreaded play centre! There I said it.

If you have a child with special needs, no doubt you’ll know what I mean. But guess what?  I’ve discovered something that every parent with a special needs child, needs to know about preparing for a trip to the play centre.

The last time I decided to put on my “I have it all together face”, I decided to show it off at a play centre. Needless to say, I left feeling a bit sad and stressed.

It wasn’t because I asked for a cappuccino and got a flat white. No it was because of a number of, “out of my comfort zone” situations, that comes with being the mother of special needs five-year old boy.

The comfort I’m talking about is the zone where Mum sits down and chats with other mums over a flat white, cappuccino, tea or whatever, while the kiddies are off having a ball (or throwing the balls!)

What I have learnt, is that it CAN be enjoyable. Using tips from other carers and knowing what to expect, and most importantly, which play centres are most appropriate for my special needs child, can make the difference.

For example, only a couple of “oh my” *palm to forehead* moments – like knowing the whole play centre is watching “that adult” climbing the slide with their daggy undies completely exposed!

Oh and the one where you are running around after your child as he/she is cleaning the other tables, by swiping others chips. Maybe your child also sits right in the walkway at the entrance, stimming and making unusual noises so every child that comes in stops to stare and every parent asks, “is he ok??”

If it’s not that then maybe it’s the full-blown meltdown, either your child with special needs has, or your other child because you find yourself having to leave five minutes after arriving. Please tell me I’m not the only one?!

A play centre that accommodates, understands and treats me and my kiddies like everyone else despite my bent antennas, big red ballroom gown with purple daggys over the top, and one eyeball (yes I feel like an alien at times), can be a positive experience. It would probably be better to call first, and ask questions such as:

• What is their quietest day?

• Do they have a policy that will refund your money if you are only there for 5 minutes?

• Do they have an understanding for your child’s lack of cooperation for leaving socks on?

• Do they have an unused room on the day you plan to visit, which may help you to calm your child rather than leave and have your other child miss out?

Asking these simple questions can mean the difference between a visit to a play centre being a disaster or completely amazing!

And it’s totally worth it because it just may be the place where you witness one of those small steps for child, huge steps for our child kind. In other words one little thing that fills your heart with love and total bliss, the first independent ride down the slide, the first attempt to climb the fort, or something I have witnessed – the absolute joy on Billy’s face because for once he is part of the fun.

For that smile, I would be a daggy undie wearing alien everyday of my life.